I am in a rut.
A cyclical cycle leading to nowhere.
Constantly in motion,
But never on a path.

My mind is on,
But my future is off.
So my mind fills with stress.

I am drowning in the shallow water of my fears.
I am at war with my inner mind.

Frustration, rejection --
Rage!  I have rage!

Nowhere to express myself;
No one to listen.

But the drive and the dream
And mere familiarity keep me moving on.

Keep me in the cage.
On the wheel.
Constantly in motion.

All my energy seeping into a vat of someone else's success.
Someone else's good fortune.

I fuel their world as my dreams tease me.
Close enough to be seen,
But far enough to be out of grasp.

I try to use the frustration.
Use the want!
Use the rejection!
Hold on to it for a time it can be useful.

But what am I letting go of to hold onto the hurt?
How much hurt can I hold before it takes over?   

And if I let go can it consume me?
Will it be too much for even my scarred vessel to uphold?

I am scared to cry.
Not because I am afraid to cry.
But because I am afraid I'll never stop.